When Fear Gets Personal
By Cyndi Kuermmerle Worship Leader at Front Range Camp
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Jos.1:9).
Fear is something with which I have grown to be comfortable throughout the years. It did not really start until I got into high school, but once “fear” seeped in, it got close and personal with me – following me everywhere I went.
Making friends became harder, making decisions about life became harder, and thinking about the future became a giant obstacle for me to overcome.
I have always been the type of person to research and to plan ahead. I’ve gone through the list of “what I want to be when I grow up” occupations multiple times. In fact, I still don’t know exactly what I want to do. But, maybe that’s the point.
Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
The last time I checked, lamps generally do not light up an entire room.
The image of a lamp indicates that we will only see the next step ahead. That leaves the all-too-frightening unknown in the steps to follow. That’s where faith comes. It is not our job to figure out the best path to take or to plan each step we take to get where we need to go. God knows the desire of our heart and has plans far greater than we could ever imagine. He will show us the next step and then it is our job to trust that He will protect and provide for us.
My mom passed away in September of 2015, and her death left me terrified about the next steps to take. All of my plans changed, and I didn’t know what to do. There were times when I felt I’d figured it out. I got a car, moved out, started college, and I had decided that I had my life all figured out. Then my car broke down and I had to move in with family.
This series of unfortunate events has reoccurred multiple times since then. Somehow, I never got the lesson God was trying to teach me. Since the shutdown of the nation due to COVID-19, I have been faced, yet again, with uncertainty, fear, and far too much time to think about it all. Drowning in my worry, I broke down. Everything around me feels foggy and dark and I can’t imagine the next step to take. The time spent in this frame of mind feels like it has lasted an eternity.
This has been a lonely time for so many, but I have felt God’s presence throughout it all. Whether it is the comforting sight of a work schedule with enough hours to pay my bills, a call from an old friend to ease the pain of solitude, or a silent moment with God as I drive home for the day, He has been there.
He has provided, and He will show me the next step to take time and time again.
Dear Lord, there is so much uncertainly in the world right now. I ask that you show your light to those who feel lost; I ask that you comfort those in pain, and I ask for healing among your people. Lord, you know of those that are hurting and you hear our prayers.
I pray that you speak your truth and love into the hearts of the lonely. Let them know that you are there and they are never alone. By your strength we are healed of our worries, anxiety, and pain. Lord, I thank you for the blessing of time spent with you during this challenging time and I pray that those who are struggling right now may find hope and comfort in You. Amen.
Colorado Springs, Colo.
Worship Leader at Front Range Camp, and a senior at Eastern New Mexico University
Note: Cyndi and her two sisters Brittany and Samantha have been the worship leaders at Front Range Camp for the past three summers. Cyndi was raised in Colorado Springs and now attends Eastern New Mexico University. For more about Cyndi, go to the January 2020 ABCRM Newsletter.